Halfway

Twenty weeks, halfway mark. I finally figured out how this 40 weeks = 9 months crap operates - the ninth month has seven weeks in it! What a sneaky trick.

So, things have been rolling along just fine, in general. I got maternity jeans and clothes (have reaffirmed my love for Old Navy) so now I can wear "pregnanty" clothes or wear baggy clothes over jeans and continue to pass for a little while longer. It was a bit of a shock to wear fitted jeans and remember what my legs actually look like, after so many weeks of wearing huge jeans.

We finally decided what to do about the fact that my midwife practice is closing two months before my due date; we're going to stay at the same hospital but switch to the hospital midwife clinic, which means a larger group of midwives to work with and less time and personalized care, but still the same probability that I will be working with a midwife when I show up at the hospital in labor. Have also found a birth doula that we really like, and we are in the middle of interviewing/intake process with her.

My appetite seems to be going away again - that is, I can barely eat half a meal at a time and from afternoon onward I feel overfull and sickish. Had a huge mood meltdown at the end of the day today, may have been partly due to low blood sugar. Will discuss at prenatal appointment next week. My sleep has been much more haphazard too (I'm writing this at 4:30 AM), more like how I was sleeping before I got pregnant.

One of the themes of my little meltdown was loss of control - I think what finally tipped me over the edge was hearing bits of plans about a baby shower some friends are planning, and getting anxious about being expected to do something uncomfortable ("well, we may make you eat baby food"). Gotta trust - I have cool friends who care about us and throwing us a shower is a sweet thing to do. Besides, if I survived hazing when I joined my co-ed frat in college, I'm sure I can handle a little Gerber Stage One.