Onesies!

I went to Old Navy to get some pants that actually fit, and splurged on pajama bottoms for both hubby and me, and browsed the *deep breath* maternity and baby sections of the store. And found this cute onesie on clearance. My instinct is to put it on Owen the Stuffed Gorilla who lives in our bedroom, but so far I've resisted. It's hard to imagine it on a baby, especially a baby that I'm growing myself, from scratch.

Quote from a friend today - her husband used to say this to her when she was puzzled about her pregnancy fatigue: "You may not feel busy, but you are very busy on a molecular level!"

Got Hunger? Follow-up

I emailed my friend the family doc, and this is what she had to say about my declining appetite:

So here's some weird doctor-type info about eating in the first half of pregnancy. The short version is: you don't really have to (eat, that is).

The slightly longer version is that HUGE retrospective studies have been done to answer this decreased intake question, due to areas in the world where women are starving, and because of all the women with bad nausea/vomitting/poor appetite. What was found? Women who had significantly decreased intake of food in the first 5 months of pregnancy, even with weight loss (of up to 5% of body weight) has no bad outcome for mom or baby. So what do I think? Listen to your body and don't stress. If you need to eat a little to stave off the bad feeling in your tummy, crackers are a good bet for most women.

Got Hunger?

I've had an unfortunate problem with food for the last week or so.. it's been coming on gradually, and I still think it's better than nausea, but food has become unappealing. I spent the afternoon knowing I needed to eat something, thinking of everything in the world I might want to eat, and coming up blank. I try to guess based on what I think I'm missing, given what I've already eaten for the day, but it's a mechanical process at the moment. I had a big ole' burger for dinner because I was so sick of chicken, and felt worse after I'd eaten. The few things I've actually enjoyed eating lately have been sweets (blueberries and strawberries and yogurt and granola - the perfect breakfast!). Hope this subsides before long - it's bumming me out.

Bad Mutha

I went out to lunch today with my mother-in-law, who does not know that I'm pregnant, and will not know for another month. What I really wanted was the salad with blue cheese, even though I knew I wasn't supposed to have blue cheese. I asked for it on the side, but I added it liberally anyway and it was goooooood.

We have a friend who sent an email to my husband today, saying he hoped that I "and the little heartbeat" were doing well. I thought this was a lovely way to refer to our little one, whom we are alternately calling "Guppy" and "Baby Grape" at this point.

Insurance Company Gripe

So this is technically not about pregnancy, but it is relevant because I'm sure I'll have many stupid run-ins with my insurance company in the next year or so.

I got a bill in the mail today for $182. It was for lab services I had in December, when my family doc sent me to get my estrogen levels checked. My doctor wanted to do this before she was willing to refer me to a reproductive specialist. I called my insurance company, confused because I had never received a bill for lab services before. They said the service was only covered at 50%, because it came attached to an "infertility" diagnosis, and to get the service covered I would have needed to get all infertility treatments referred through a reproductive specialist. I explained that my doctor was unwilling to refer me without this test, and the insurance company rep told me that I should have known this lab service was different from all the others in the past six months, and that I should have called them directly for a referral. Makes my blood boil, the stupidity, but since I am a) already pregnant and b) no longer working with this doctor, I decided to pay the bill and drop it. No need to add stress to my life.

In better news, I set up an appointment with the cool midwifery practice I found at my local hospital, and my next prenatal exam is 3/22.

Thinking vs. Feeling

Last night I tried to spend some time uploading to my husband about the prenatal appointment I had last week. I read all the pamphlets about genetic testing and the screenings I have to decide about. The decisions are more straightforward than I thought at this point - if we were to get some indication of chromosomal disorder, the decisions would get much harder.

At one point he asked me how I felt about being pregnant. I didn't really have a lot to say about it - most of the time I forget that I'm pregnant. More than anything, it's just another responsibility I have to take care of, like making sure the cat gets fed or calling the plumber when the faucet is leaking. Mind you, I don't feel resentful; I just don't feel anything at all. I look the same. There's no reminder that I'm carrying a little grape-sized parasite that was our goal for over a year. I'm getting better about eating more frequently throughout the day, so I haven't felt as sick (except yesterday when I skipped lunch in favor of playing online computer games for four hours - then I felt hungry and sick and grumpy). Really, I haven't felt that sick at all. I've felt a little more tired, but not enough to even sleep the ten hours a night that all the books say I should be getting. So I'm lucky that my symptoms thus far have been really light. Wonder when I'll start to feel the constant presence of another creature.

First Prenatal Visit

Seeing that little flickering heartbeat on the ultrasound changed everything. Turns out, I'm a week less pregnant than I thought - just eight weeks. Must have been counting poorly. And I'm not carrying twins, which I think would have been fun. There's all these genetic tests I have to decide about, sometime when I find the time to read all the pamphlets and talk them over with my husband. Also found a midwife practice that sounds really neat and I'm going to look into switching my care over to them. Tomorrow I'm going shopping for new clothes - at this point I only have two pairs of pants I can wear comfortably and if I don't buy some bras I'll probably regret it when I'm in my fifties.

Breasts

My husband is thrilled to point out that pretty much all the weight I've gained in the last few weeks has gone straight to my breasts. I've gone from a AA to a B cup in three weeks and I have to buy bras for the first time in my life. What a pain! How do women with large breasts do it?

Project Mini-Me: Phase One Is Complete.

We had a lot of sex in the first week of the year, even though we were traveling and jetlagged, since the thermometer hadn't spiked yet and damn it, we were tired of waiting to get pregnant. And with that stroke of good timing, it has come to be that I am pregnant.

I'm not supposed to tell anyone, since I'm only seven weeks along (which is only five weeks of being actually pregnant - weird and unscientific) and everybody knows you're not supposed to tell in case you have a miscarriage. We've told about a dozen people, all told, and no family yet. Therapists and the dentist don't count.

What is so strange to me is that I don't feel pregnant. Every symptom I've had so far has always meant something else in the past - breasts sore because I have PMS, dehydrated because I've been working out more, etc. The rational side of my brain still feels that it's impossible - we got so used to disappointment over the past fifteen months.

The diagrams in the books look like ginger roots or fish. I started calling the baby "Guppy", which my husband doesn't like. I already feel an affection for the name, though. It may be hard to stop once the baby is born.

I've had to stop motorcycling. I'm bummed I can't boulder at the climbing gym. I've had to put off periodontic surgery. I already miss sushi, and thankfully I gave up caffeine years ago. Cocktails without the alcohol are just fancy juice. But even so, it hasn't been that bad so far