Missing the Old Me, Part Three

About four years ago, I quit a stressful job and started a full-time life of self-employment. I also started going to kickboxing classes, climbing a few times a week, and developed a crush on a cute trainer who encouraged me to start hitting the grown-up weights. Eventually I went back to my roots as a martial artist, sparring with him a few times a week. I loved feeling sore and slightly battered, I loved knowing that I was lifting more weights than many of the guys I saw at the gym, and I was totally badass.

I gained 38 pounds during pregnancy. Twenty-five pounds magically melted away, between the birth itself and the first six weeks of postpartum. And I've been stuck at 156, twelve pounds heavier than I started and twenty-four pounds heavier than my best fighting weight.

Post-partum has humbled me. I remember going to a mother's group when Mini-Me was six weeks ago, wearing maternity jeans and noticing that another mother, with a ten-week-old infant, was wearing maternity jeans also. "Not me," I thought to myself, "I'm going to be in my old clothes quicker than that."

I let my frustration slip at Pilates class last week, when the instructor gave me that old line about "it takes nine months to gain the weight, give yourself nine months to lose it". "Not me," I retorted jokingly, "that's fine for everyone else."

I started recording workouts on the DVR, and today I got a few sets of dumbbells at Target and actually started working out. Mini-Me was amused for about 30 minutes while she sat in her swing watching me jump around the room like an idiot, but finally I put her down for a late-evening nap (bad idea) and did two more programs.

I did feel like an idiot. I'm sure I did look stupid. But I also did work up a sweat, and I did feel muscles burning. I'll keep it up for a week and see how I feel. The routine I did tonight is one episode of "Body Electric" and two episodes of "Denise Austin's Daily Workout", skipping commercials. It's dorky, but if it works (and no one sees me doing it) I don't care.