Round 2

I am back at it: taking my temperature every day, waiting for the Magic Window every month, being disappointed a few weeks later...

Since Mini-Me #1 I have been ovulating really late in my cycle - day 22-24 or so - so the fertility doc at my midwife clinic has prescribed me progesterone to extend my luteal phase. This does not actually increase my chance of getting pregnant, just makes it possible for me to stay pregnant long enough for my body to get the right hormonal signals before my next cycle begins.

I thought somehow having one baby already would lessen the impatience and frustration of trying to get pregnant a second time. Having such good success the first time (once I started charting my temperatures) convinced me that it would be a piece of cake this next time. I have a lot of jealousy toward friends who have gotten pregnant or had new babies recently, especially if their first was in Mini-Me's cohort. My husband teases me about being overly competitive, but there's a deeper emotional tone than that. When I was feeling particularly low about my body, my identity, and my lack of connection with my husband, it was easy to see a pregnant friend and think "well, clearly her husband finds her attractive enough to have sex with her!"

A wise friend reminded me gently a few weeks ago: "there's nothing romantic about making babies".

I don't even care about carrying around extra weight anymore. I decided as an anti-New Year's Resolution that I would lay off the exercise guilt and concentrate on having two more babies and nursing them each for a year. Once I made that goal, probably around age 40, I would set myself a new goal of getting my physique back on track.