Baby's a swinger

Thank the gods for the portable swing lent to us a few weeks ago. Mini-Me has had a few really tough days lately - as far as I can tell it's tummy troubles, which means hours of writhing, shrieking, desperate attempts at feeding and occasional projectile vomiting. Even though I feel I should stick with her and have her calm down and gently fall asleep in my arms, the fact of the matter is that plopping her in her swing and leaving her to chill by herself is the best solution I've found yet.

I've been grappling with an interesting problem lately: I take care of Mini-Me pretty much full-time, including almost all feedings (bottle or breast), all nighttime wakings, etc. My husband is home on weekends and in the evenings, and he has been taking her out with him for a few hours at a time, but when we are both home I am the default baby-care. Papa also travels for business, so Mini-Me and I are alone together at least a few nights a week.

Today (and last weekend, come to think of it) I got Mini-Me calmed down after a feeding, and Papa wanted to cuddle with her for a while, maybe settle down for a nap together. And Mini-Me started fussing, eventually ramping up into full-on hysteria which required popping her on the breast for a while and an hour of rocking until she finally fell asleep. What I struggle with: when to intervene, if at all, when Papa and Mini-Me are having a hard time connecting. I spend so much time with her, of course I have some expertise in soothing her, but I don't want to undermine Papa's bonding time with her. And I can't stand it when I can hear her crying like that, especially when I have ideas about how to help and Papa doesn't want to hear them. Sometimes I've coped by getting snappish, sometimes by taking Mini-Me and soothing her myself, sometimes by leaving the house or going to a sound-proof place to wait it out.

I would never be concerned about my husband deliberately hurting the baby, but how much crying and hysteria would it take to be traumatic? Is it more important that Papa figure it out for himself, or more important that baby gets soothed more quickly? How much of this is about protecting my husband's ego and how much is really about needing to feel like my time and effort with the baby have value? Papa's best interests or baby's? Or are they the same thing? Need to mull this over and talk to my husband about it more. This is where a trusted cadre of mommies would be a helpful sounding board!